Monday, October 26, 2009

How to make an ER doctor laugh

1. Arrive with freshly washed, still damp hair. This signals to everyone that you didn't have the chance to shower earlier in the day, but made it a priority for your special outing to the hospital. Go ahead and wear your ratty brown sweater, though. The clean hair cancels part of the housemarm effect.

2. Have toddler in tow. Bonus points for said toddler clearly wearing the blanket sleeper he slept in the night before.

3. Casually sling one slightly-snotty, well-loved blankie over your shoulder, and allow said toddler to nuzzle into it often. Explain to anyone who will listen that the child is just too sick right now to have his lovey ripped from his arms long enough to wash it.

4. Give anyone who asks for the specifics of this child's illness a blank stare for the two minutes it takes your brain to recall which sick kid you're being asked about.

5. Admit that yes, there are other H1N1 victims at home. Tell doctor that you feel blessed to still have two children who haven't fallen ill.

6. Ask doctor what the odds are of you and your husband not coming down with the flu.

8. Wait for stunned silence to fade. Enjoy ensuing laughter.


Lisa said...

De-lurking to share...
Emergen-C Emergen-C Emergen-C

Salt/soda baths
2 cups baking soda dissolved in hot water.
2 cups sea salt dissolved in hot water.
Add to bath of hot as you can stand it water. Soak at least 15 minutes. Drink lots of water afterward.
(Do not dissolve soda and salt together. Chemical reaction won't allow them to dissolve.)

We escaped with this plan and the ones who were sick had minimal symptoms. Thankfully so....

Anonymous said...

Oh my... that made me LOL!

#7 must have went out with your brain fog!

Fatcat said...

When my son was 19 months old he put part of a pimento sandwich up his nose and then told me "rock nose" so I took him to the emergency room to get the rock taken out of his nose.

The doctor said "It soft. It's not a rock. Smells like pimento".

You Can Call Me Jane said...

I'm so sorry. May you all get better soon- or escape it all together.

Benny said...

Well, I think you've hit another one of those points we talk about so often - at some point you either have to laugh, or cry. Glad to see you're going with laughter, yet again.

Praying for health, and for the doc to be wrong about those of you still left standing.


Anonymous said...

Loved the ER story, glad I'm not the only one who gives that blank stare when asked about a specific child. LOL
Hope it is better at your house today :-)

Mary Bransford

Luke Holzmann said...

Sickness is creeping into our house too. Don't think it's the flu yet, but it's still less than fun.

Especially when you add teething...

Hang in there!


Birthblessed said...

Oh for goodness sake!!! :hug:

See, I always make it a point to go to the ER as nasty as I can to make a point that I am such a good mother, I barely remember to put on shoes before rushing my child to the ER!

(and yes, link away re: my blog)