Parents just don't understand

You know parents are the same
No matter time nor place
They don't understand that us kids
Are going to make some mistakes
So to you other kids all across the land
There's no need to argue
Parents just don't understand

The Scene: the kitchen at Casa Blandings

Me (offering Jo a bite of a spectacular rice pudding I'd just whipped up in the crockpot): Here. You have to try this.

Jo: What--what is that?

Me: Pudding. Try it.

Jo: (touches the spoon to her lips, then licks them): Uh, no thanks.

Me: Really try it. Seriously. Go on.

Jo (accepts bite): Oh, Mom! Ugh! Erk! I mean ... there's lumps all in this! I'm going to gag!

Me: What in the world is wrong with you?

Jo: That's nasty. I mean, really, really nasty. Did you even try it?

Me: Of course I did. It's rice pudding. Those aren't lumps. It's rice, you goob.

Jo: Rice? In a pudding? What on earth were you thinking? Seriously, Mom. Rice is not for pudding. Gag. (Turns to leave, spots Logan.) DO NOT TRY THIS SO-CALLED PUDDING. I am telling you right now, she put rice in it. Whatever she was thinking, I'll never know ...



The Scene: the local library

Me: Atticus, did you see these books I put on hold for you? I thought you'd like this one. It's about griffins.

Atticus: I like dragons.

Me: I know you like dragons. I thought you might want to branch out. Give another imaginary creature a try?

Atticus: Mom, griffins are nothing like dragons. It's like ... Star Wars and Star Trek. Nothing alike. And anyhow, I don't think we can assume that dragons are imaginary. I mean, they are mentioned in the book of Revelation. But thanks, anyway.


The scene: the art supply aisle of our local craft store

Logan: I want to try this brand of pastels. That's what I'm using my gift certificate for.

Me: Logan, babe ... you've got loads of pastels. How about trying watercolor pencils? You haven't done those in a while. Or what about those paints over there ...

Logan: Mom, I use every single one of my pastels because they're all different. See, this one has greens with more brown in them. I know you can't see it because you're not really good with colors, but trust me, I need these.

Me: What do you mean I'm not good with colors?

Logan: Mom, you're the writer and I'm the artist. Trust me, o.k.?

*********
Heaven help me.