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Thursday, September 8, 2011

Returned

How do you say goodbye to a baby you've only just begun to know? To a little one whose genes, whose sneezes, whose sleepy, quiet eyes echo your son's? To a baby girl who thus far has known only the safety and protection of your own home?



In three and a half years of foster care, I had never done this. I had never joined the sad club of temporary mothers who has had to return a helpless child to circumstances that seem destined to shatter the carefully crafted peace and health I had so gently wrapped her in.

Until now.

Yesterday, I put a fresh diaper on Baby Sister's tiny, smooth bottom. I lovingly slipped her into a sweet onesie that was just the right shade of pink. I found a complimentary rose headband and admired how perfectly it fit her shock of black hair. I struggled with the buckles on her hulking infant seat. Then I carried her downstairs and broke the news to the other children:

The state worker just called. Baby Sister has been ordered back to her birthmom. Immediately.

There were questions, and angry voices, and tears, and more than a few Legos kicked in frustration. There was silence. There were trembling fingers unfastening car seat straps and lifting an almost weightless little person who had so effortlessly become familiar for a last round of kisses and smiles.

We prayed over her. Pressed our lips to her sweet cheeks. Drew crosses in oil on her forehead, and prayed again. 

Then we loaded into our van and returned Baby Sister to the care of her birthmother.

Because the state said it was for the best.

And so we add yet another name to the list of children for whom we pray. Another little one who has come into our lives briefly, and moved on to circumstances that only God knows for sure. Baby Sister has been returned to her birth mother. Please pray for her.

12 comments:

Robin said...

Oh honey!! *hug* That stinks in innumerable ways.

Susan said...

Praying for Baby Sister. And for you, Mary Grace. {hugs}

Tara said...

The thought occurs to me that maybe that was the purpose of her coming to you, so that WE, your faithful readers, would be alerted to her presence and situation and PRAY. I know I am. I would not have known, MG, if you hadn't said, "Yes" and opened yourself up to this heartache. But I do now. Thank you.

Victor said...

I'm sorry you are having to go through this. Still praying.
-Rebecca

You Can Call Me Jane said...

I am so sorry...I can't imagine how difficult that was. It's so hard to understand....

Fatcat said...

I'm sorry. I've been there too. :-(

Michelle said...

*sigh* I'm so sorry. I will be praying for her and for you and your husband and children.

Susan said...

I've been right there. The pain of it is never far from my heart and tears are steaming down my face as I read. The only way I ever get through it is to remember that He loves her so much more than I ever can. He gave me those babies so they would be lifted to Him in prayer, over and over again. I will add your little sister to my children in my heart and my prayers.

Jen said...

I'm so sorry. There are no words that sum it up. I've done it 31 times and each and ever time my heart was shredded into so many pieces I couldn't see how I could ever recover.

The only fact that kept me sane, and still the only one that keeps me sane when I think of those precious children who I still love dearly, is the fact God's love for them so far surpasses my love for them. Likewise, his wisdom far surpasses mine and only he knows the path their life must take for them to find themselves on their faces calling out to the Lord for salvation.

That doesn't help the pain on bit... but it does keep me putting one foot in front of the other.

Praying for whole family as you go through this.

Liz said...

oh MG, i am cryign thinking about this little baby, and about my last two foster babies we had. they are in a terrible situation that the state put them back in, and there is nothign i can do- but PRAY....

Susan in the Boonies said...

I did!

God bless that sweet girl, and give her safety and love.

God bless you, too, Hon!

jennifer said...

Praying for Baby Sister and for all of you.