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Friday, October 1, 2010

Known

My birthday gift, three weeks early: the fabulous, fancy, SLR camera I have been coveting for a year. I hold its heavy, boxy black body in my hand, caress the lens, fiddle with one of the countless switches and doodads that adorn its solid sides.

Seven is sleeping on my bed, her pink mouth drawn into a perfect bow, her little brow knit into a serious arch above her flitting baby eyes.


I tell Mr. Blandings thank you with my eyes and my words. I hug him as tightly as I can and kiss him with one of those just-for-married-folks kisses. It is a good feeling, this being loved beyond measure.


"I know it cost a fortune!" I say to him, pulling back and admiring, yet again, the camera of my dreams--the one I will take countless photos of my growing children with. The one I will lug on camping trips, to the zoo, on playdates, to swim lessons. The one that will capture and preserve the salad days of my life.


"You've waited a long time," he says, stroking my cheek.


"A year isn't that long," I smile, thinking of all of the "things" we have decided to wait on or let go. A year, really, is nothing. A camera ... even less.


"Not for the camera," he says then, and glances over his shoulder to where our baby is curled on her side, sleeping blissfully in her pink onesie, wrapped in her striped pink blanket.


A long time. Yes. Four years. Forty-eight months, many miscarriages, weeks upon weeks of ache. Many days, as I journeyed through infertility and loss, I felt alone. I felt abandoned, broken, and forgotten. No one, I was sure, could understand. No one saw the hurt. 


I was wrong.

11 comments:

Tara said...

OMW, MG, this one should've come with a tissue warning. It makes my heart feel so full to know that you have such a good man. (He sounds like mine!)

Benny said...

;o)

I don't know if anyone understood fully - but I believe there were a lot of people out here who knew something of your pain but just never knew what to say or do to tell you how much they loved you and how sad and hurt they were for you all along. I'm so glad you are blessed with a husband who could see one way to show you that he knew. I hope God reveals more to you in the years to come how many others knew and loved and hurt and rejoiced too - just not knowing what words or gifts or gestures to offer.

You are blessed. My heart is filled with joy for you. Love you Mary Grace. ;o)

Benny

ThyHandHathProvided said...

I'm so so happy *with* you:-).

The Reader said...

oh, that makes me cry. What a precious, precious gift.

NotaSupermom said...

Happy birthday.
You are blessed with the camera being the least of your blessings.

Traci said...

You did wait a long time.
Love you friend. Thank you for walking the road with me, and sharing your joys, and sorrows to help me through mine.
Love ya MG

Sarah said...

Rejoicing with you!

Starberry said...

Well put. Praise God for His everlasting love and kindness!

The Beaver Bunch said...

Nothing, nothing makes me feel more loved than when my husband just gets me. Praise God for blessing us with men who desire to fill our hearts with the love of the Father.

Camille said...

PRECIOUS!!! How WONDERFUL that you have the gift of a new little one (girl) to love! :)

Blessings,
Camille

Camille said...

Oh...and of course a very understanding and loving husband!! I forgot to say that...but I was thinking it. :)