Tuesday, July 22, 2008


We said yes. A social worker said no.

After a dizzying blitz of info and action, we were told Friday that Baby Girl was ours. We'd be picking her up Monday or possibly Tuesday from the treatment center she's been in since birth. I made calls and pulled in favors. You said you had a crib to loan ...? Did you get rid of that swing yet ...? I also made a stop at a consignment shop and picked up a fabulously cute, tags-still-on-it Janie and Jack dress for just $4.99. In my book, every little one deserves an extra-special coming home outfit.

As I stood pondering the double stroller options in a local baby shop, my cell phone rang. Turns out that the new worker Baby Girl was assigned to agreed that we were a great fit for a home. Loved that we were willing to transport. Adored our adoption-ready status. And hated our location. So she found another home.

Yes, that's right. Location, it seems, is everything after all.

The joke here is that this worker would have come to our house every six months. Everything else--all of the other visits, all of the paper work, the bio visitation--would have been handled by our agency. She would have saved herself loads of work at the cost of just two trips a year.

Our agency learned that Baby Girl has been placed in a short-term home headed by a working single mother. My understanding is that this is not a home that will benefit Baby Girl; I won't say anymore about the situation because there's enough bashing of foster homes out there already. Suffice it to say, no one believes that this is a long-term resource for Baby Girl; she will no doubt be moved again in four to six months. But hey, the social worker may be off the case by then, and it won't be any skin off of her back.

I sound cynical and hard, and I admit that I am ashamed to be so cold in my soul regarding this situation. I am hurt--not just for me and the loss and betrayal I feel, but for one tiny Baby Girl who has no voice in the system that is effectively warehousing her for their own convenience. Why would you force a child into a situation that guarantees transitions and loss? Why?


Liz said...

i am so sorry. the system sucks. what a lazy caseworker...sigh

The Hayes Zoo said...

Oh Mary Grace -

I can not even begin to imagine your frustration. I don't even have words. So sorry seems very inadequate.

SmallWorld at Home said...

So, so sorry.

~ Angi :) said...

{strong, silent hug}

Missus Wookie said...

Oh yuck! My heart hurts for that little one {sigh}

Amy said...

I'm so sorry Mary Grace. As an adopted person, this makes me cry, both for you and for Baby Girl. ((((((hugs))))))