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Sunday, August 30, 2009

Laying 'em down


I have not been having perfect Mommy Moments this week.

I have been having very real, very rough Mommy Moments. The kind that make you feel like a bad mom when, in truth, you're just a very tired mom bordering on burn-out.

I hate those moments.

I hate the fact that listening to Logan's excited chatter has allowed my mind to wander over the laundry I need to do or the lunches that need packing.

I hate the fact that Oliver's lack of communication has felt like an insurmountable hurdle I will never, ever cross.

I hate the fact that seeing Jo worn-out from a week's worth of Fair fun has left me exasperated.

I hate the fact that I see Atticus disappear into his own little world and feel like I am failing him miserably.

I hate the fact that Manolin's squeal of joy as he lunges for my glasses--again--makes me cringe.

Mommy Moments. Some are beautiful, powerful, amazing things that remind us of our blessings. And some are ... well, some are the bits that we hope we forget as our children pass into adulthood.

I realized this morning what the source of my weariness was. It's not my kids. It's not the 4-H chaos of Fair week. It's not a toddler. It's not a special needs son. It's not social workers, or restless nights.

It's where my eyes have been. Namely--on everything I have to do, and how little time I have to do it. And where have they not been? Why, on
JEHOVAH-SHAMMAH, JEHOVAH-RAPHA, JEHOVAH-JIREH, JEHOVAH-SHALOM, EL-ROI.

((sigh))

When will I learn this lesson? And, Lord, how is it possible that you continue to have patience with a wretch like me?


7 comments:

Tiffanie said...

I'm feeling the exact same way! We talked about this in Sunday school today too, about how easy it is to take our eyes off the Lord and fill our mind with "otherly" things. If our mind isn't filled with Jesus, the world creeps in.

Melissa Stover said...

another great post. exactly how i feel today.

Lisa H. said...

Oh yes. I'm having that week too. Need to refocus my mind & heart.

ThyHandHathProvided said...

It's like you reached in and pulled thoughts out of my head. We all need to get our priorities in order. I wish the pull to do everything else wasn't so strong. Thankfully, we're not in this alone. We just need to ask for His help. Thanks for this post, MG.

Dawn Sodini said...

Me too! Please pray that I along with all of you can re-focus. I am due any time, husband had a broken thumb, 2 kids seem to get it in the neck. Thx MG. I am so grateful that it isn't all up to us.

Benny said...

I'm so sorry you're in one of those places right. Such a tough spot to be in when you're in the middle of it. Sadly, most of us know all too well how it feels.

Let me know if there's anything I can do to help as you work through it all holding God's hand.

Love,
Benny

Laura@kidsofcharacter.com said...

This is so true. My dear hubby was telling me just today, "We need to get joy back in our home!" It is so easy to let the cares of this life steal our joy! Just stealing away to be alone with Jesus for a few minutes each day can make all the difference.