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Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Denied

I awoke after a restless night to find an email from Mr. Blandings waiting for me. I didn't have to open it to taste the disappointment. In the subject line, he had written one word:

NO.

Bee's visa was denied. As I write this, Mr. Blandings and Jo are gathering their belongings, wadding dirty shirts and pants into bags, and preparing their hearts for one of the hardest journeys they will ever make.

They're coming home, without Bee.

The house is dark and quiet on my end. The boys have yet to stir, and I've spent the hour since I got the news paging restlessly through my Bible, begging the Lord to speak to me. Finally, as I rolled my head back onto my pillow, my eyes settled on the small plaque that hangs near my bed.

Be still, and know that I am GOD, Ps. 46:10

So I am working on being still, and on remembering that while David only needed one of the five stones he had gathered to defeat his giant, the walls of Jericho didn't come down until that final trumpet blast. Could the Lord have done it sooner? Couldn't He have toppled that wall without the silly-seeming parade? Of course He could. But He chose not to.

My heart is breaking for all of us, but mainly it is for Bee. Mr. Blandings will come home a beaten man who will struggle to understand why, who will ask the Lord if he did something wrong, if there was something he missed. Jo will return to me wiser and more compassionate than before, with a heart that now grasps fully what it is to wait upon the Lord, even when your heart's desire dangles before you. I will be here for both of them. So will a houseful of joyous boys, who will only be able to feel so much loss, having not laughed with Bee, or held her hand, or discovered how much she likes to bake. In our home, there are toddler hugs, and games to be played, and always someone who swoops behind you at just the right moment to kiss your forehead and tell you what a blessing you are.

Mr. Blandings and Jo will be beaten, but not broken.

But Bee...

Our poor Bee. She will continue to long for the thing that she has tasted. She will continue to grow in a loving atmosphere that is not quite home, cared for perfectly, but never quite a daughter. When she goes to bed at night, she will wonder. Are they still coming for me? Will this ever happen? Did I do something wrong? Am I not worthy of a family, Lord?

My biggest prayer this sad, dreary morning is that Bee, too, will be still. That God will wrap His arms around her and comfort her. That He will be the rock she clings to as she is rocked, yet again, by disappointment. The Lord sets the lonely in families. I know this much is true; I have seen it with my eyes and experienced it in my own home. God has a family for you, Bee. And He will bring you to it. Be still, and wait on Him.

And we will do the same.

16 comments:

TexasHeather said...

Praying. For hearts to heal, for strength, for souls to grow, for each and every one of you as you process this denial and prayerfully wait and be still in the midst of it.

Is it okay for me to ask -- can the decision be appealed, or is it a one-time shot? Does "no" in this case mean "not yet" or does it mean "not to this family" or ??? If I'm being horribly insensitive, please forgive me; I am honestly just seeking to understand.

April said...

Joining you in prayer for Bee.

sdpwife said...

I'm so sorry. My heart breaks for all of you, and especially for Bee.

Robin said...

Praying for your family.

Anonymous said...

My heart is breaking for all of you. Like TexasHeather, I am wondering, if this no is final?

Wendy

Camille said...

Praying for you all...what a blessing to have that verse of Scripture at just the right moment. How His Word ministers to us...

Blessings,
Camille

anya* said...

So sorry. I think everything you said is so right on. Your husband and Jo can work through their loss together- Bee on the other hand is alone. My heart goes out to her.

Things like this get me so fired up at bureaucracy. This should not happen.

EllaJac said...

I prayed for you guys at night when I woke to nurse my littlest one. I'm sorry to see this update. I'll keep praying, and I'm so grateful that you are setting your hearts on Him, claiming His best in the situation even if it isn't what you'd hoped for. Waiting with you...

Sarah said...

My heart is breaking for all of you.

ThyHandHathProvided said...

Thinking and praying for all of you.

Michelle said...

I'm so sorry. I will be praying with you for Bee's homecoming

Mama Squirrel said...

So sorry to hear this--especially after the wonderful post about the girls bonding over their card game. Praying things will be turned around.

Kindred Blessings said...

I know you are disappointed. I am so sorry.

Shelly said...

i'm so very sorry - i'm new here, and don't know details, but know that you are being prayed for.

Luke said...

Just heard about this this morning.

I know waiting is wicked hard. Hang in there!

~Luke

Julie said...

How hard. I am just reading this post and my heart is breaking. My prayers are with you. Sometimes I look at situations like this in my life and I think, well, I guess God is just going to move in a super big way to truly show His glory. That will be my prayer for you guys and Bee.