The national numbers aren't looking very good, which means that the local numbers are even worse. My dh is currently in a holding pattern, wondering if his job will continue to exist into the new year.
I ought to be panicking. I ought to be feeling a wrench in my gut. I ought to be asking "Why us?"
Have I had those moments? In a way. I called Benny during a car ride shortly after getting the news and had a good fifteen minutes of, "Tell me this isn't happening when I've got two children I'm waiting to finalize on!" After a nice emotional dump, I caught a glimpse of Oliver sleeping in the rear view mirror. His head was cocked to the side, his arm resting on Manolin's car seat. The row behind him was filled with the beautiful stair steps that are my biological offspring.
How can I look upon the faces of my children and not know that God is good, all the time? How can I possibly doubt His grace and mercy when I take a moment to contemplate the blessings I never even asked for coupled alongside those for whom I have fought with all of my heart?
There's nothing wrong with His justice. His timing. His plan. No matter what it looks like in those moments of blindsided shock ... God is still God. The economy may be tanking, but God is still in the business of ruling the universe.
And I'm still in the business of having faith.