Thursday, August 21, 2008

Bio Mom's Psych Eval, explained

After reading some of the comments regarding my post on Bio Mom getting her visitation back, I realized I'm going to have to reveal a bit more of Oliver's story in order for my comment ("Is it o.k. to pray she failed?") to make sense. So here it is:

Bio Mom has documented issues that result in her being unable to understand how to care for a child of any age. I will not elaborate on this as it is a matter of privacy for both Bio Mom and Oliver. What I will say is that it was an oversight on behalf of an overworked intern that allowed her to leave the hospital with Oliver in the first place 20 mos. ago; the nurses in charge of his care went on the record voicing their disapproval by placing statements outlining their concerns in his file.

The best case scenario of outcome for Bio Mom at this point, in terms of her psychiatric evaluation, is that she is "potentially trainable." That diagnosis would mean that she would be prescribed intense parenting and life skills classes, and then re-evaluated at the end of a year.

Oliver would, meanwhile, "time out" of the system. Federal law caps the number of months a child can consistently be in state care at 18 mos. Oliver is at 14 months; Bio Mom's classes would last far longer than 12 weeks.

I am not trying to be harsh. I am simply restating the facts as they were given to me.

So my question was really more this: is it o.k. to pray that she fails, freeing Oliver from visitation that much sooner ... because to come back "borderline" simply delays the inevitable for us all.

I am very well aware of my role as a foster parent. At this point, no matter how I feel about Oliver or how he feels about me, I am little more than a full-time babysitter in the eyes of the powers that be. I understand this relationship, and I am more than willing to allow God's plan to be worked out in front of me and through me. It's all in His hands, anyhow.


Liza said...

That does make alot more sense. I wondered how you could be so ok with one case (little girl) and not the other.

Madre said...

Very well said MG.
Praying with you that the Lord's will be done and that this precious babe will have permanency soon. We are fostering also and have been going through a difficult time lately.

Anonymous said...

Makes total sense to me. The people who commented negatively have probably never fostered. They really don't know the ins and outs of the system. At some point it's ok to cry uncle and beg the LORD for mercy, honey.

Paula said...

Praying with you MG!!!

Anonymous said...

From one Foster mom to another...I know exactly what you are saying. I always pray "God, let Your will be done and help me to accept whatever it may be" but knowing the details about some of these bios makes you want rage at the thought of what the child may go home to one day. I try to remember that God loves them more than I, His ways are higher and always best.

Keep up the good fight!


anya* said...

I didn't realize there was a 18 month cap on time in Foster Care before PR would be terminated? My kids were in the system 3 years in a ROW before PR were terminated...And then the little baby was still receiving visitation for 18 months before termination. Besides the fact that 4 siblings were in FC, the baby was still with the BM for 3 months before placed in foster care..I think you are totally human to want her to fail. When my husband and I reviewed our kids files before placement, we were shocked at the 10 years worth of CPS reports, visitations, 1 year in and out of foster care, and then 4 years straight being n a foster home- and the mom STILL was receiving (if she would choose to attend), classes, housing, training, ect. It is crazy. I really hope Oliver can be released from this sooner then later. The bright side is, my little girl (she will be 2 next week), had 3 caregivers by 18 months, came to be as a crying wreck, so unsure, untrusting, scared- but in 6 months she has transformed before my eyes.
I am so thankful for Gods hand on her life and bringing her to me when He did. I am praying the same for Oliver.

~ Angi :) said...

A very good friend of mine has a developmentally challenged daughter. When the mostly functioning teen reached the precious age of 17, she began a series of attempts to pass the driver's test in order to earn the priviledge of being on the road.

Her final state-allowed test came back negative. Her dad responded by telling her mom:

"Some people are just not meant to be on the road."

Use this true story as you wish, as it pertains to precious Oliver.