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Monday, September 29, 2008

Fear

I have spent the last few days grappling with anxiety. This is not a feeling that I know very well, as I am not by nature a person who dwells on the what if's. The truth is, I am one of those people for whom the many issues of life often loom just large enough so as to be out of my grasp. Surrendering the things that I could not hold onto even if I wanted to usually isn't a leap for me; instead, I am someone whose faith is stretched by the lack of change and forward motion. Many people I know have the opposite problem--they abhor the disturbance of the status quo.

At any rate, I know that the whole issue of anxiety has been heightened by the fact that I've been (unsuccessfully) fighting an infection that finally decided to take up residence and begin making home in my kidneys. I gave in and went to the doctor on Saturday. While I'm not pleased to be on two separate antibiotics, I'm more than happy with the fact that I can now stand up without a wave of nausea. See? Forward motion!

But back to the anxiety. I will be completely transparent and admit that I am finding myself dwelling. Yes, dwelling. Dwelling on what, you ask? Well, for starters, the fact that my grandparents are in need of assistance, and I am 2,500 miles away. The fact that my mother has managed to dig a new hole under the one labelled ROCK BOTTOM and is intent on snuggling in. The fact that my husband's job is linked to the fiscal fortunes of our great nation. The fact that until Oliver's adoption is finalized, we will have to fight tooth and toenail to maintain things exactly as they are, no matter what befalls us. And, oh yes, did I mention that I may just have kidney stones?!?

When you take all of that and factor in the onslaught of bad news that our nation has been subjected to as of late, it's just a recipe for depression, isn't it?

Last night, as I prayed for a restful night that gave me respite from my worries, I struggled to recall my usual favorite verse for dealing with the hard times. Instead, God supplied this one.

Isaiah 41:9-10

I took you from the ends of the earth,
from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, 'You are my servant';
I have chosen you and have not rejected you.

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.


I thought I'd share it, just in case anyone else is feeling the same encroaching darkness in their hearts. God has called us. He carries us. And it's under His wing that we rest.




8 comments:

Growin' with it! said...

i loved hearing your perspective on how to deal w/ all this "fun". my favorite is isaiah 26:3. peace baby, peace! hope you feel better soon.

Jenny said...

Thanks for the comment on my blog. And also for this beautiful word of encouragement from our great God! I will pray that you feel better.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing - I am trying to fight off the growing concern I have as well.

After reading your post, I now am singing Is 41:10 as performed on the Seeds. My kids know it well and it would do me well to focus more on that and less on things out of my control. Thank you for the reminder.

Praying for your health.
-Ajoy

Amblin said...

(((hugs)))

I had a kideny infection serious enough to land me in the hospital this Spring. It caused me to go into adrenal insufficiency syndrome...basically things were shutting down. I'm glad you are getting antibiotics...kidney infections can get ugly fast.

Loved hearing your words of encouragement. I love the Book of Isaiah. There is such peace/comfort in that book for me.

Liz said...

matthew 6 :27 Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?
and 34 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

these are my favorite lines from my favorite chapter.
just remember, no matter how dark it looks, God is not only with you- but he will CARRY you. worry never helps. turn every moment you catch yourself worrying into a prayer of thanksgiving to God who has so richly blessed you! hope this helps- i will pray for you today :)
liz

Luke said...

Lord, I ask for continued patience and peace for Mary Grace and her family as they struggle through the various uncertainties and long waits of life. Give her wisdom as she makes choices, and continue to comfort her as she waits. Amen.

~Luke

The Small Scribbler said...

We've been camped out in Isaiah for months. A perfect book for the times in which we find ourselves.

Kate

JustTheFactsMa'am said...

Praying for your health and family, and for our nation. Thanks for the encouragement!

We are working on not worrying, but we're also working on being ready in case things head further south...kind of a calm preparedness.