Fear

I have spent the last few days grappling with anxiety. This is not a feeling that I know very well, as I am not by nature a person who dwells on the what if's. The truth is, I am one of those people for whom the many issues of life often loom just large enough so as to be out of my grasp. Surrendering the things that I could not hold onto even if I wanted to usually isn't a leap for me; instead, I am someone whose faith is stretched by the lack of change and forward motion. Many people I know have the opposite problem--they abhor the disturbance of the status quo.

At any rate, I know that the whole issue of anxiety has been heightened by the fact that I've been (unsuccessfully) fighting an infection that finally decided to take up residence and begin making home in my kidneys. I gave in and went to the doctor on Saturday. While I'm not pleased to be on two separate antibiotics, I'm more than happy with the fact that I can now stand up without a wave of nausea. See? Forward motion!

But back to the anxiety. I will be completely transparent and admit that I am finding myself dwelling. Yes, dwelling. Dwelling on what, you ask? Well, for starters, the fact that my grandparents are in need of assistance, and I am 2,500 miles away. The fact that my mother has managed to dig a new hole under the one labelled ROCK BOTTOM and is intent on snuggling in. The fact that my husband's job is linked to the fiscal fortunes of our great nation. The fact that until Oliver's adoption is finalized, we will have to fight tooth and toenail to maintain things exactly as they are, no matter what befalls us. And, oh yes, did I mention that I may just have kidney stones?!?

When you take all of that and factor in the onslaught of bad news that our nation has been subjected to as of late, it's just a recipe for depression, isn't it?

Last night, as I prayed for a restful night that gave me respite from my worries, I struggled to recall my usual favorite verse for dealing with the hard times. Instead, God supplied this one.

Isaiah 41:9-10

I took you from the ends of the earth,
from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, 'You are my servant';
I have chosen you and have not rejected you.

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I thought I'd share it, just in case anyone else is feeling the same encroaching darkness in their hearts. God has called us. He carries us. And it's under His wing that we rest.